


Spells and Other Life Skills

by Allthephils, CamCam774, itsmyusualphannie (itsmyusualday)



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Curses, M/M, Magic, Tiny mention of blood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-04
Updated: 2019-09-04
Packaged: 2020-10-06 21:54:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20514086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Allthephils/pseuds/Allthephils, https://archiveofourown.org/users/CamCam774/pseuds/CamCam774, https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsmyusualday/pseuds/itsmyusualphannie
Summary: Or How Dan and Phil got their TV back.This was written for@PhanfictioneventsPhanfic telephone event!We each wrote one part. I wrote Part 3!





	Spells and Other Life Skills

“Uh, Phil?” 

Dan’s voice made the raven-haired man look up from his laptop’s screen. His gaze fell upon his partner, who had a very confused expression on. Daniel was currently staring intently at their dining table with one of his eyebrows raised. Philip followed the brunette’s gaze towards the table. His whole face fell as he noticed what was missing. 

“Where’d it go?” Dan asked as he immediately turned to look at Phil. The older man cowered under his furious glare. “Phil, where’d it go?”

Phil gulped, already imagining what was yet to come. Still, he couldn’t give up so quickly. He forced out a smile, pushing his tongue through his teeth as he always did, only this time he did it consciously. “What do you mean, Dan?” He squeaked out. “I left it there as soon as we got home. Uh, maybe it moved?”

The brunette let out a long, defeated sigh as he set his laptop down on their couch. He tended to move his arms around when he talked, and he really didn’t feel like letting his prized possession fall due to his antics. “It’s an inanimate object. It shouldn’t be able to move on its own, you do realize?” 

“Well,” Phil said as he slowly closed his laptop. A grimace replaced his expression as he could already listened to Dan’s panicked screams. “The diamond…”

“I’ve known you for nearly ten years now, Lester, don’t you dare think I don’t know what that face means.” Dan slowly approached the pale man, his hands on his hips as he did so. “What the fuck are you hiding?”

Phil felt his shoulders rising and his whole body sinking down into their couch as Daniel’s voice got progressively louder. He scrunched up his eyes, raised his hands to cover his face, and squeaked out his response. “It might’ve been haunted!” 

The raven-haired man waited for his partner to react. Perhaps a scream, a shoe thrown at him, a defeated sigh, or just any reaction in general. So, when no reaction was ever delivered, Phil opened his eyes and peered through the minimal space between his fingers. He was only met with an open-mouthed, very amused looking Dan. The brunette’s mouth opened and closed a couple of times as he tried to come up with a reply. 

“Haunted?” Dan was able to make out after a split second of stuttering and shaking his head. His arms stretched towards Phil, his hands threatening to strangle him before he brought them down on the coffee table standing in their living room. “Haunted, Philip Lester? Have you not learnt a single thing after all we’ve been through?” 

Phil grimaced at the sharp crack of the wood beneath the brunette’s hand. He stood up as his partner seemed to constantly keep muttering something under his breath. His right hand slowly settled down on Dan’s shoulder. The other man whipped around, his eyes carrying the clear message of murder as he glared at him. “Come on, Dan,” He said, his eyes big and pleading. “We’ve dealt with things that are way wor––” 

The sudden snap of fingers and a hand resting on his own shoulder made Phil stop mid-sentence. His eyes travelled up to Dan’s sudden face of relief and realization. 

“That’s it!” The brunette exclaimed as his free hand pointed at the dining table, where the diamond was supposed to be. “That has to be it, Phil!” 

“That has to be it? I don’t think we’re quite on th––”

“How long have we had that diamond around for?” Dan asked, rudely cutting Phil off as he continued to go on a frantic rant. “About a month maybe? How long have we been researching about it? Holy fuck that explains so much…”

Phil watched his partner take a couple of steps away from him, his arms waving around excitedly as an expression of pure bliss, relief, and happiness settled on his features. He remained static as he watched his partner scream out in victory and curse half the deities they knew of. The raven-haired man wondered if it would be prudent of him to assume that Dan had finally lost his mind. 

“You still don’t get it?” Daniel’s words had come out as a laugh rather than actual words. He took two long strides before standing in front of his partner. His hands held onto the other man’s shoulders as he shook him for a second. “Just think about it, Lester, how has the past month gone for us?”

“Not good?” Phil replied, his words separated by a very long (and very confused) pause. 

“It’s been shit!” Dan said as his voice completely drowned Phil’s. “Just think about it for a second. So much has gone down, and it’s all happened with that fucking diamond here.”

Philip ran over the idea in his head. He didn’t have to do much thinking; it seemed like all the horrible things that had happened to them were bound to the diamond in one way or another. He dragged his tongue over his bottom lip as he came to a conclusion. 

“So, you think everything that’s been going on has to do with the diamond? Like we set it off or something?”

“Yes!” The brunette replied. His hands cupped Phil’s cheeks as he pulled him in for a short, adrenaline-filled kiss. “Phil Lester, you’re a genius!” 

The raven-haired man let out a laugh as he pulled his partner in for another kiss. He let out a laugh as he finally understood the cause of Dan’s euphoria. The past month had been absolute shit for the both of them. From their TV falling from its stand to losing their passports to getting lost in a completely different country. Everytime something particularly bad happened, the diamond was present. 

“If the diamond’s really the cause of everything that’s happened,” Philip said, his smile slowly melting away as a sudden realization hit. “What are we going to do about it?”

Dan’s eyes narrowed as he considered what they were going to do. “Hmm,” he said. “Well.” With another glance at the still-empty coffee table, he nodded decisively. “I’ll tell you what we’re going to do. We’re going to find that fucking diamond and we’re going to destroy it with whatever means necessary?”

“Whatever means necessary?” Phil echoed dubiously. He never liked it when Dan said those words. With a terrifying amount of power, though limited, literally at their fingertips, that wasn’t Phil’s favourite thing to hear.

“Yes,” said Dan. He pursed his lips in determination. “All right, let’s find the diamond. I don’t care whether you lost it or not - ”

“It moved itself!” Phil protested, but was ignored.

“ - we’re going to find it.” Dan whirled toward the kitchen. “Look under the cushions!” he called back over his shoulder to Phil. “Just in case. I’ll get the summoning materials.”

Phil sighed heavily and hauled himself up off the couch, turning to lift the cushions he’d just been sitting on to rummage beneath them. As expected, he found nothing but lint, a few coins, and - “Hey, here’s that protection stone that disappeared a few weeks ago!”

“Put it back!” Dan yelled. A cupboard slammed as he flew through cabinets in the kitchen. “I spelled it for gaming.”

So  _ that’s _ why Phil had been so good at Fortnite lately. He shrugged and tossed it back under the cushions, replacing them. He headed for the kitchen. “I didn’t find anything,” he told Dan, who looked wild-eyed as he yanked various containers out of the fridge.

“I knew you wouln’t,” Dan said, shoving a jar filled with questionable, sticky-looking contents across the counter to join the other items he’d collected already. “I just wanted to keep you busy while I got stuff.”

“Rude,” said Phil absently, wandering over to look at the materials that Dan had already gotten out. “Want me to prep the bowl?”

Dan waved at him. “Yeah, yeah. Don’t forget the calf’s foot this time.”

“When have I ever,” scoffed Phil, distinctly remembering two weeks ago, when he’d been trying to summon a lost sock and instead had caught the sink on fire. The sink had been filled with water.

Dan ignored him again, yanking open the freezer. He paused and reached in slowly to pull out a candle, studying it. “Phil, how - never mind. I don’t want to know.”

“I don’t touch your candles,” Phil protested. He dug through their stack of bowls in the cupboard and found a decent-sized one to slap on the counter, then shuffled through the ingredients that Dan had collected. Finding the oil, he spilled a little in the bowl, then swiped the oil with two fingers to cover the inside of the bowl’s surface. “Where’s the thyme?” he asked, not finding it among the heap of items.

“We’re out, use a pinch of sage and rosemary.”

Phil frowned. “If you say so.” He did so, sprinkling them across the bowl. He maneuvered around Dan to grab the calf’s foot that Dan had just retrieved from the freezer and dumped it in the bowl. “Ew,” he said, watching it with mild disgust as it dripped blood onto the herbs. “Why does gem summoning have to be so gross?”

“Because you’re gross,” said Dan. He had a handful of ingredients and Phil stepped aside to let him drop them all in the bowl.

“Your mum’s gross,” Phil said automatically.

Dan slapped his forearm with a bloody hand and Phil squeaked. “Shut up, twat.”

“Ew!” Phil said with feeling, after recovering from the initial shock. He swiped at the smeared handprint Dan had left on his bare arm. “I hate you.”

“Good, help me finish this.” 

Phil turned and shoved the table till it was up against the wall. He grabbed a handful of salt from the jar they kept on the counter and slowly poured, tracing a perfect circle as he walked. Just before joining the ends, he paused and Dan stepped in, cradling the bowl in his hands. Phil drew the last bit in salt and threw a pinch over his shoulder.

“Really Phil?” Dan rolled his eyes at Phil’s superstition as he placed the bowl in the center of the circle. The two of them sat facing each other, the bowl between them.

“Ready?” Phil said. He always started these things. There was just so much energy in Phil, it was best to lead with that and let Dan pull it all down at the end. Phil had the power but Dan had the focus. 

“Wait. Should we talk about how we’re gonna kill the thing?” 

“What do you mean?” Phil asked, assuming they’d cross that bridge when they came to it.

“Can’t stay in this circle forever Phil.”

“Yeah ok. Um, you could explode it? It’ll take a lot out of you but it’ll be done.”

“Yeah great plan Phil. How do you reckon our kitchen will fare in that scenario?” Dan ran a hand through his curls, thinking. “We could break it into bits and sell it off to jewelers! We’ll make a fortune and it will be scattered all over England, never to be reassembled.”

“But won’t that bring this terrible luck on like every bride to be that gets a piece in a ring?” 

Dan shrugged. “I mean, it’ll just be a little bad luck and marriage sucks anyway, they probably won’t notice.”

“No Dan.”

“Throw it in the ocean?” Dan asked.

“And curse the penguins?”

“Penguins? In the UK?”

“Ok, whales then.”

“We could pack it up, send it to President Trump, say it’s a gift from the queen?” Dan raises a brow.

“Be serious Dan. We can’t just dole it out. We have to destroy it once and for all.”

“OK, a guy can dream. That really only leaves one option,” Dan said solemnly.

“Yeah,” Phil said. “Ok. But promise me you won’t be grumpy.”

“I don’t have any control over that and you know it.” 

Phil gnawed on his cuticle, worried out of his mind. “What if us getting lost in New Zealand led to someone getting married and now they have a baby and then the baby just...poof! Gone.”

“It’s only been a month and we didn’t really meet anyone that day. Let’s think. Did anything happen that we really shouldn’t undo?”

“No.” Phil said, looking into Dan’s eyes for some kind of reassurance. “I guess not. But we can’t know for sure.”

“And we also can’t let it stand. It’ll destroy us eventually Phil, you know it will. Or whoever comes across it.” Dan reached out and brushed Phil’s cheek with his fingertips. “It’ll be ok.”

With a deep breath, Phil reached into the bowl and Dan followed suit. They crossed arms and each one dabbed the bloody oil concoction onto the other’s forehead. Phil muttered a few words, his lip curled in disgust at the goo on his face. 

“So mote it be.” Dan said and raised his left arm, hand open, into the air. The diamond came in from nowhere with a whoosh and landed in Dan’s hand like a fly ball. Wrapping both hands around it now, he spoke words he’d practiced since he was a child, in a language few people know. This magic is old.

A soft glow radiated from the diamond. It grew in intensity until it shone so bright neither Dan nor Phil could look right at it. Dan quickly moved to drop the diamond into the bowl and just as it touched the calf’s foot, it burst into a beautiful silver flame. Phil reached out and clasped his hands in Dan’s, joining in on the chanting. They looked at one another and Dan smiled. 

“It’s ok Phil. I’ll see you on the other side.”

“I love you Dan.” But Dan didn’t respond before everything went dark. When he opened his eyes, he was sat in a circle of salt with Dan in front of him and a pretty disgusting bowl in the center. The diamond was gone, as if it had never existed.

“Hey.” Dan said.

“Hey. What were we doing?” Phil felt the goosebumps on his arms and had no idea how they got there. 

“Apparently, we were casting a spell? A protection? I don’t remember.” Dan stood and stretched. “I can’t remember anything after this morning. I was on my laptop, scrolling. And you were…”

“Last thing I remember was winning at fortnite.”

“Oh yeah, remind me to tell about the gem I hid in the sofa.” Dan said, “Phil, I feel really weak and just weird. Do you think we demanifested something?”

“No. No way. We said we’d never do that again.” Phil stood and stretched. “Anyway, what would even be important enough to warrant that?”

“Dunno. That’s kind of the point.” Dan stood too and took the bowl in his hands. “We clearly summoned something. And I don’t see anything unfamiliar so…”

Phil knelt to brush some salt aside, muttering a few words to open the circle. “No point in worrying about something we’ll never know. I’m exhausted. Let’s watch Bake Off!”

“Ooh, ok.” Dan waggled his eyebrows, “in bed?”

“No, you perv. Let’s watch in the lounge. We never put that tv to use.”

Dan cleaned up the floor while Phil grabbed snacks and Ribena. Soon, they were snuggled up on the sofa covered in a furry blanket, watching the sweetest of shows on their big television.

“Phil?”

“What Dan.”

“I love you too.”

“Wait, what?”

  
  



End file.
